in the long run

i accidentally became obsessed with running

In a shocking turn of events, after being sedentary for most of my twenties (aside from my enduring love of long, leisurely walks and my seasonal interest in hiking), I think I have become a runner.

I went for a run on a whim one gloomy, damp day in January. For some reason, I started running consistently in February. When the weather turned in March, I started running almost every other day. In April, I signed up for my first race (a 5k) that I just ran on June 8.

from my first race on June 8

Now, running is all I think about and all I want to do. Even during the periods when I’ve experienced pain or injury (half of May), all I’ve wanted was to run again. I scroll on Strava like it’s Instagram. But it wasn’t always this way. In fact, I used to give a (figurative) hearty eyeroll to anyone who sang the praises and benefits of running.

As a brand new runner, I thought I would share some things about my journey thus far and answer some questions I received about running in a Q+A on Instagram.

I feel like I am an unlikely candidate to be a runner: 

• I’ve had asthma my whole life, ranging from severe to moderate. My mom likes to remind me of our trips to the emergency room and the strange hue of my face at the onset of an asthma attack. I walked the mile in gym class, and the beeps of the pacer test still send a chill down my spine in the event that I encounter the audio.

• I was born with my legs backwards. I do mean that literally. It’s called “hyperextension” but I don’t think that term illustrates just how goofy my legs were. If you want to see a photo, there’s one in this post (I won’t share it here because it can be a bit of a jump scare). My parents did daily exercises with me until my legs started to bend the correct way, and I was able to walk at a time when babies learn to walk. I had patellar realignment surgery when I was 14 after a recurring soccer-induced injury went too far. I’ve had several other injuries in my legs and shoulders that morphed into chronic pain sometime in my mid-twenties.

• Exercise culture has always felt toxic to me, even when it is capable of being healthy. I was an athlete as a youth, and I would go to the gym semi-regularly in college (mostly to hang out with my friends), but the idea of scheduling exercise, especially the way it’s advertised on social media, has felt icky to me ever since I’ve entered a stage of life in which I would have to schedule exercise.

I have enjoyed running for these reasons:

• This is my first time exercising consistently in almost a decade, and this time, it’s for my mental health and not for my appearance. I was so depressed in January, and I didn’t want to walk much because I was too cold. I found if I ran, I could simultaneously stay warm and satiate my need to move.

• I take it slow. I mean, I’m running 12-14 minute miles. I ran my 5k in 41 minutes. I also like to take in the world around me without worrying about if my lungs or legs are going to tire before I’m ready to be done.

• I’m fueled by FOMO. My husband ran (and was very good at) cross country in high school, and he got back into distance running in November after about a decade of running very inconsistently. I noticed how much better he felt since he started running again, and I wanted in on it. I also love to see how excited he gets when I ask him questions about training. While we don’t ever run together, I feel like it has added some new texture to our relationship. We ran the 5k, and since he ran the course in half the time I did (he placed 4th out of 125 runners), he cheered me on at every single point where spectators were allowed.

  

  right before our first race!!!!

Here is what has changed since I started running:

• My mental health—I don’t find I hit really low lows anymore, or when I do feel really anxious, I just go for a run. A few years ago, I was diagnosed with C-PTSD and OCD, which, in tandem, essentially controlled my life. About two months into running, it occurred to me that both my obsessive thoughts and my need to complete compulsions had significantly tapered. I didn’t expect it, but I think I can attribute this change to running.

• My self-esteem—I’m doing something I thought I would never be able to do, mentally or physically. I continuously challenge myself and complete those challenges, and that has ultimately changed the way I see myself. I would say my self-efficacy has improved tenfold, and my self-esteem is slowly following suit. Basically, I just believe in myself a bit more than I used to, and that makes me feel better.

• How I experience music—I’m a musician, so it goes without saying that I love to listen to music. For most of my adult life, I have listened to a wide range of genres, but I feel like I have reached a new understanding of how music exists in the body. I can feel like I am at the end of my capacity near the end of my run, but if the right song comes on, I can pick up my knees again. Lately, that song has been “Money Trees” by Kendrick Lamar and Jay Rock.

• My connection to my city— I now know the intricacies of the streets I drive all the time. I know the slow hills and the dead ends. I know which trees bloomed before others, how long the daffodils hung around, if they overlapped with the tulips. I’ve memorized which of my neighbors grow purple irises and lily of the valley. I take the environment of each run so personally, and it makes me more present.

• My body—I’m so much stronger. My knees don’t feel as fragile with stronger calves and quads to support them. I’m grateful to feel a strength in my legs I have never before experienced.

Things that have made running feel easy:

• Alternating walking and running—Walk a block, run a block, etc. This is how I started running, and while I rarely walk during my runs now, I like knowing there’s no shame in it if I feel the need to slow down.

• Focusing on my enjoyment, not reaching a pace—I found when I started running, I was huffing and puffing through an 11 minute mile, and I had no idea how people thought this could be fun. I kept trying to increase my pace based on what I thought seemed standard. Here’s the thing: unless you’re a professional athlete, no one else cares if you’re running a 7 minute mile. Don’t put pressure on yourself to get under a certain time unless that is a huge ambition of yours. No one cares! Run for yourself. You’ll enjoy it more, and you’re less likely to injure yourself.

• Running with someone to figure out the pace you’re able to maintain conversation. I made my husband run a mile with me when I first started because I had continuously burst through the door red-faced and wheezing after running a single mile. He told me I needed to slow down, that it shouldn’t feel really hard. Once I did that, I was able to not only run farther, but enjoy my run.

  

  my sister expressed interest in running so i ran a mile with her and made her talk to me the whole time…she’s now planning to run her first 5k in august :’)

• Choosing the proper (not the cutest) footwear—Go to a running store and get fitted for shoes. I went to Fleet Feet and got my feet scanned. They fitted me for some inserts, and they did confirm that the ASICS Novablast 4 (that I already had) was actually a great pair of daily trainers for me. The combo of my shoe and insert improved the back pain I had initially experienced when I’d started running.

  

  i <3 my ASICS novablast 4

• Increasing distance incrementally—I made this error twice. I went from consistently running 1-2 miles to running a little over 4 miles on a whim one day, and my left foot suffered for about a week as a result. In April, I went from consistently running 4-5 miles in my long run to running 7 miles, and my knee pain put me out for three weeks. In hindsight, I wish I would have increased my distance by half a mile and stuck to it for a few weeks at a time before increasing distance again.

• Fueling properly—I cant emphasize enough how different a morning run on no/little fuel feels compared to an evening run after having had multiple meals and enough water. It’s night and day for me. I love this TikTok about how much fueling can influence your running experience.

Gear I’ve loved:

• Nylon baseball cap—this feels essential if you have bangs. I was running in a cotton cap, but it got too sweaty. I find I need to wear something for both sun protection and to tame my bangs. I have this one from Bandit that I wear every run, but of course I want this one from Blind Tiger (one of our favorite roasters).

  

  bandit nylon hat, old navy powersoft longline sports bra, old navy 8” powersoft bike shorts

• Running belt—I got a SPIbelt about a month ago because I kept wearing bike shorts with pockets under all of my running shorts, and that got suuuuper annoying.

• Synthetic socks—I got a pair of Darn Tough and Balega running socks a few months ago, and I’ve liked how breathable they are, especially as it warms up outside. REI also has a two-pack for $15 that I’ve enjoyed.

• Running tights—I loved leggings with side pockets during the cold months, and my favorite fit has been the PowerSoft leggings from Old Navy. I have had a good experience with pretty much anything from that line

  

  old navy powersoft leggings in ‘dusk navy’ and an old navy top i’ve had for several years

I wrote this with the hope of demystifying running for those who are or were recently (🙋‍♀️) deeply confused by why this difficult sport has so many participants. I’m currently in a running slump (my last two felt not great), and I feel like I will never enjoy running again, except I know I will, because I’ve been here before. My husband likes to remind me that running is not easy, that it’s okay to not perform well every day or even every week. The hardest but most important part is showing up. In the past, I have not shown up for myself very well, and—dare I say—running is the first time I’ve given myself the opportunity and patience to do that.

Maybe this post will resonate with other new runners, maybe this will motivate other unlikely runners to give it a go. At the very least, I hope it has opened your mind to the possibility that you are capable of trying new things and completing challenges that previously felt absolutely unattainable. We are who we are until we’re not, after all 🙃.

Thanks for reading <3